$6,400

On Wednesday, during our time of listening to God in our small group, K saw a picture of me receiving many gifts. She felt that God was going to give me gifts--many gifts in fact. She also sensed that it was going to be financial. I was excited! I wondered if that meant that God was going to provide freelance work so that we can have the funds for our move to Korea.

Today at church, K gave me an envelope and said that when she received the prophecy, she saw herself giving me a gift. She gave me an envelope and said she and her husband prayed and are only obeying God. I thanked her and thought, "Oh, that must be the money I need for Elijah's plane ticket to the Worldview Leadership conference." I looked at the check. It was for $6,400. I was shocked! I couldn't even think! Immediately, I felt that I couldn't take it. It was too much. I had never received anything like this before! I felt I had to give it back. Service started so I couldn't do anything.

Throughout the service, I asked God, "Why, Why, Why?" and He responded by saying, "I want you to completely trust me with your finances. I love you and will ALWAYS provide for you." I said, "God you know that K's family is not wealthy. You know they are expecting their fourth child. You know that the husband has pain and has a difficult time working. You know that that they could use this money." I heard God speak to my heart. He said, "I know. I will bless them for their obedience." I cried because I knew they were giving not out of abundance but out of obedience. It's hard to understand God sometimes. Why didn't He speak to someone who had lots of money? He probably did, but they probably weren't listening to Him.

I have issues. Lots of them. One of my biggest issues, is my sin of self-reliance. I have a hard time of letting go and trusting--especially in finances. I started working when I was 12, and I have always worked since then. I know that God provides, but I always feel that God will provide through me working. I have a hard time trusting my heavenly Father for financial provisions because my earthly father really didn't provide for me. It has gotten better, and I have experienced God providing in many different areas. But when it comes to finances, I always feel that God will provide through me working.

The last four years has been a time of pruning for our family. When we moved to Texas in obedience, Richard took at 70% pay cut. We were initially very excited and felt that God was going to do something big and amazing through us. I mean why else would He ask us to take such a big pay cut? It has been an amazing experience, BUT it has been a very different experience than what we had originally thought. It has been very difficult financially. For the first few years, I tried looking for a job. I knew that if I could find a job, I could improve our financial situation. However, it was hard to work full time because I was homeschooling our children, and I knew this is what God wanted us to do. It was very difficult for me to not work and just trust God. However, God has been faithful to provide for all of our needs.

We have had to completely deplete our savings and had to completely readjust our lives. I think this is what it took for God to get my attention--to hit rock bottom financially. This is what it took for me to look to God and not on my savings or in my abilities. This check is the biggest single financial gift that I have ever received. Ever. It is painful for me to receive this gift because I know that K's family gave not out of abundance but out of obedience. I am truly humbled by their obedience and by God's love for me. Yes, God is trustworthy. He is Jehovah Jireh. Now I also know that God is serious about getting us to Korea.